Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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