So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
