i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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