Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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