Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
