I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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