Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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