How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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