If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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