This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
