she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize