We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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