You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
