he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
