Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
