I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
did you just send me my own nude
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
