Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize