haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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