I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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