Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize