why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
