I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he told me I talked like a deaf person
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
