Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
