Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
