I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
