So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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