apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
