just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
