when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's always time for handjobs
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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