I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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