and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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