What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize