he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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