During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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