Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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