if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
