loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
