So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
