Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
