i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
