I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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