she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
