a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize