I accidentally had phone sex last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I would ride that face into the sunset
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
