did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize