i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
