He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he shaved USA in his pubs
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
