don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
