Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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