Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
