This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
