i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
