The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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