Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
