My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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