If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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