I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
