This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
