I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I believe in your delicious
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
