Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
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