you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
