Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
