I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
