you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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