On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
