I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
