better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
